Fathers and the Promises We Make
Every year on Father’s Day I used to watch the movie, To Kill a Mockingbird. As an insecure young dad it was an agonizing exercise. What dad can win the comparison game against Atticus Finch?
Finch, played superbly by Gregory Peck, is the paragon of fatherhood. He’s strong, a pillar of courage, brimming with dignity, yet a gentle and attentive single parent to his two children. If that weren’t enough Finch always knows exactly what to say at precisely the right moment.
“Courage is not a man with a gun in his hand,” he says to his 10 year-old son Jem. “It’s knowing you’re licked before you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what. You rarely win, but sometimes you do.”
Ever come up with a pearl of wisdom like that while driving a minivan crammed with hollering, hygienically challenged boys to a little league game? I think not.
I turned 50 this year and my thoughts about fatherhood have changed. Fatherhood isn’t about living up to the Atticus Finch Gold Standard anymore. Fatherhood is remembering the promise I whispered to God and myself in a delivery room as I watched each of my three children come into the world, the promise that I would love them and their mother with everything I had, and as Atticus said, “see it through no matter what.”
This Father’s Day is special for me. Last week Thomas Nelson published my memoir Jesus, My Father, the CIA, and Me: A Memoir…Of Sorts. In part its the story of how God can take a broken guy like me and by grace make a reasonably good father albeit from spare parts and glue.
There’s a chapter in the new book about my son Aidan jumping off the “40 footer” at the Dorset Quarry in Vermont. I came across a picture of a kid making that very jump and thought I’d post it.
Happy Father’s Day.
6 Responses to “Fathers and the Promises We Make”
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Jesus, My Father, The CIA, and Me
“When I first discovered the grainy picture in my mother’s desk—me as a towheaded two year old sitting in what I remember was a salmon-orange-stained lifeboat—I was overwhelmed by the feeling that the boy in the boat was not waving and laughing at the
Love this!! Thanks.
Hi Gail!
Miss you! I’m with Mike on Monday for an interview. Hope we see each other somewhere.
I just read your piece on Fox News page about compassion, then the link took me to your website and then I started reading your blog. Everything I read just makes me feel so positive about moving forward with the many struggles that I faced this morning when I woke up. I was getting ready to go to bed, but instead, God took me on a mini journey to read your article. I can see each one of my struggles through and also get a good night’s sleep after saying thank you to you for sharing your graceful words and thoughts.
I love To Kill a Mockingbird! Atticus Finch is a great role model, especially for single dads, but I agree…who can measure up against him? I was raised in a Christian home with a good and hard-working father and I was bound and determined to be the best father possible. Now I find that I need to be a good grandfather too! I never even thought about that. What a blessing to see your children and grandchildren seeking after the Lord.
Hello there. I am new to your blog, but am enjoying the thoughts about fatherhood and Atticus Finch. I am actually a high school English teacher, and every year I teach To Kill a Mockingbird. I thoroughly love and enjoy the book. My kids get a lot of it and many of them really get into it. But just a couple of thoughts that might be worth considering. While Atticus is a phenomenal character, it is helpful to remember that he himself often expresses concerns about his ability to be a good father. He questions himself more than once in the novel; other characters also question his parenting ability. This is not a character without self-doubt. This is a character that has self doubt but wants to be the best father for his children. I think his primary goal is to help his children see the humanity in all people. He wants them to be fundamentally different and subversive to the society that they are a part of. And yet, he doesn’t want them to reject the people in society that do not share the same ethic. It’s pretty amazing, and it seems incredibly Christ-like… And I think that’s because it is. My point though is that Atticus Finch is aware of his shortcomings, and he does doubt and question himself. Maybe that is worth keeping in mind from time to time. Oh- and I also think it’s worth mentioning that we view him through the eyes of an eight year old. It’s s beautiful way to see the story, but most eight year olds are not fully aware of the humanity and the fraility of their own parents. Just a thought.
What a beautiful parsing of the story.